My Life in Like

The Average G.I Joe
August 14, 2009, 1:47 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,
Snake Eyes, my favorite character... cause he didn't talk.

Silence sounded so good.

It wasn’t good, it wasn’t bad – it was just a movie filled with inconsistencies. It was sad however since we were excited to see it when we saw the trailer come out, but instead found a lot of cracks in the wall for this one. Special effects were so-so, acting wasn’t that great, and just bad editing for the movie overall – its saving grace was that it was unintentionally funny. Here were a few observations Brent and I made while watching the movie earlier tonight:

– Isn’t it funny that both bases are “top secret” with amazing “technology”, with “the best trained soldiers”… blah blah blah, and yet they’re so easy to get into, with one or two guards at the stand post and with all that drilling – no high alert alarm when broken into?

– How the bad guys + Duke got into the Artic headquarters with thin jackets and the Baroness’ low v to show off her bossom… while the good guys come in with Eskimo suits and cold air coming out of their mouths.

– Polar bears do not run that way.

– G.I Joe easily infiltrate command post, get into the controller room – and yet, still while they are able to find the missiles – little green submarine (that looks just like the war heads) can command all controls… still.

– Romance between Scarlett and Ripcord aka Wayans brother 2… barfable. Especially the part where she talks about how it’s the first fight she’s lost since she was a child.

– Poor Brendan Fraiser with 1 minute moment of us going “ooh the mummy returns – ay hindi pala”

– Apparently Brent noticed Janice Dickinson’s “fat” model is in the movie. Good for her.

– Yey when Karolina Kurkova got stabbed! “Sir, can you sign here, and here, and-” Useless roll. Good thing she got killed early. Why didn’t they kill General Hawk? They kill everyone else! But no… lets slash him in the chest – but then he comes out with a limp. Hmm.

– Tight fatigues. Uh.

– Duke: “That’s her” – I think we established that everyone knows how she looks like. Such a useful boy that one.

– Me: “THIRD ROCK FROM THE SUN!” – Rex, your oohing and aahing and turning evil happened in a split second – you ran into the bunker and suddenly had an evil eye and “MWAHAHAHA i can take over the world with this research! who cares if i get killed, oh i have a USB!” … way to go cobra starship. er cobra commander.

– Sienna Miller walks funny.

– So glad Snake Eyes made a vow of silence – he was my favorite character in the whole movie.

– “If a quarter even so touches that we’ll be fried” – at least we know Snake Eyes has light fingers that hold his body weight. Seriously, SECURITY WAS LACKING.

– Bad guys managed to leave their airplane/space ship thingie unattended in a hanger in the artic guarded by two idiots who can’t understand fear, have nano bugs or whatever that can make them heal quickly… or disintegrate (got confused with the one)… useless. Ripcord managed to steal that bigass plane and make it do everything he wanted… ah but of course, it had to be in a Celtic dialect. Of course, Scarlett is a genius, “Ah! He’s Scottish!”

– Chachi going “OH NO! OH NO! OH NO!” because there was a pin camera on nano bug bodyguard… and no other bodyguard had nano cameras on their suits?

– Did no one notice that the US President’s bodyguards were all killed in a tiny room where he was locked up?

– Time between Rex running into the shed and getting the information – didn’t Duke say “oops you’re too early?” when the plane came in? Hence why he has those ‘scars’ on his face and he screamed “REX! REX!” Yet, the 5 minute alarm went off for Rex and that’s when the bombs hit. Hmm.

– Duke didn’t age one bit.

– For a top secret division called “The Joes” – why were they using ordinary guns to fend off the enemy?

– Why isn’t everyone wearing a cool G.I Joe Power jumpsuit?

Stephen Sommers needs to revert back to his previous greats like The Mummy and The Mummy Returns – and to please kick out his caster and whoever edited the film.


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